I feel chained.

I know it's a really strong word, but it describes aptly what I'm feeling right now. The task ahead seems to be so huge, so massive, and it seems almost an impossibility to get there. Poverty, hunger, malnutrition, slavery, genocides, war, rape all seems like an insurmountable wall. It seems far away, totally irrelevant to my current livelihood, totally untouched by it, yet because I care, I want to do something about it.

It seems like a war against evil, or is it a journey of awakening? Are we fighting people on the other side, or are we giving our lives and passion to awaken and shine light? The battle against my mind seems ever stronger than before, I sense its reluctance to let go, and relinquish control. As I awaken further, it fights back even stronger.

I feel chained because there are so many external voices, and external pressures which is non supportive. Or perhaps I'm giving them too much power and control. Dennet, like you always said, we live in a society of fast paced, instant gratification, quick results. The ability to appreciate fine and 'small' things in life has diminished, replaced by unsatisfaction, frustration, and angst.

In the movie, Last Samurai, there's a quote, "You can spend a lifetime looking for a cherry blossom, and it will not be a life wasted." Maybe the cherry blossom that I'm looking for is the World Peace, the elimination of hunger, the cessation of wars, the equality among all beings, but I have forgotten that the search and pursuit of it, which is where I am now, gives me more than actually finding it.